A new ritual resulting from 2020: Expressing our thanks to health care heroes
In my most recent post I shared a little about my eight year old’s health journey in 2020. Today, I wanted to follow up on our personal experience with health care heroes over the past 2 years.
Prior to 2019 our exposure to the health care profession was mainly limited to our primary care and specialist appointments. During these brief visits, we did experience the kindness exhibited by doctors and nurses. However, it’s not until we had more complicated health news, surgeries and hospital stays, did we truly grasp the selfless, patient and compassionate nature of those drawn to the medical profession.
While my family has not yet personally experienced COVID-19, we have certainly witnessed the impact on medical care. The changes include some #silverlinings like expanded use of telehealth visits (saving us hours of commuting time to Palo Alto and Sacramento), and the harder to handle like COVID-19 testing before every sedated test, or surgery/hospital stay and very strict visitor policies for pediatric patients (only 1 parent for out-patient procedures/surgeries) and 2 parents for in-patient stays (some hospitals limit 1 parent at a time). (I know & acknowledge visitor policies for adult patients are much harder on families.)
It was during this challenging year that Alexa and I brainstormed on what we could do to show our appreciation and thanks. For me, these doctors have helped my family navigate some very scary news. I honestly do not think there is anything I can do to adequately thank them for their empathy, expertise and outstanding care, but here is the small gesture we came up with:
Before each of the surgeries (July to current), Alexa and I prepare thank you baggies which typically have chocolates, a short hand written thank you (1 sentence written by Alexa) & sometimes a little craft Alexa has made.
Alexa then decides who and when she wants to hand one out. The recipients have varied from the receptionist that has checked us in on surgery mornings, child life specialists, her amazing ICU and acute care nurses to her highly talented surgical teams.
This ritual allows Alexa to focus herself away from her worries & anxiety about the upcoming surgery and onto how she can express thanks to those health care heroes who are helping her body get better and/or are making her hospital stay smooth.
Seeing Alexa hand these out during our stays (and watching nurses, doctors and staff take in these small acts of thanks) is a highlight of our stays – and something I highly recommend trying.
Happy holidays & may we all spread a little more kindness in 2021!
It’s been awhile – but a time to reflect
It’s hard to believe it’s been over five years since I sat down to write and share, but if there has ever been a year to pause and reflect… this is it.
2020 … our year of resilience
To say 2020 was a year like no other would be an understatement for most of us.
Even before the global pandemic had made it onto my radar, my family was already on a path for a year that would test our faith and perseverance.
But before I get into all of that … let me rewind a bit.
The first few years since I last wrote were pretty smooth. We did discover some challenges with academics (mainly reading & writing) – but health wise she seemed to be on track.
However, in 2019 we got our first glimpses of challenge. In February 2019, Alexa fractured her arm after falling while doing a cartwheel and when the arm didn’t seem to heal, we discovered she had a rare bone issue. Around the same time, she also started to develop a pattern of headaches. We thought they were stress related (as they only seemed to occur at school).
That all changed in early January 2020 when she awake with a severe headache and vomiting. That episode (combined with her genetic condition) compelled us to get a MRI in early February (yes, that probably took longer than it should).
On the afternoon of February 11, 2020, my cell phone rang. I was sitting in my office completely unprepared for the discussion I was about to have with my daughter’s neurologist. I grabbed a pack of post it notes … and started to jot down that I was hearing. “Two issues. Brain tumor. Rare brain condition effecting blood flow. Referral to Stanford neurosurgery.” I hung up the phone and texted a family member. I thought “wow, I am taking this in stride.” That person called me back immediately and I moment I started to speak, the sobs began.
The next day we met with Dr Gerald Grant, head of pediatric neurosurgery, a brilliant surgeon and amazing human being. He mapped out the treatment he was recommending and explained that we needed to start with removal the brain tumor (recommended having surgery one week later.)
That first surgery occurred at Stanford on February 19th. This was before the days of pre-surgery COVID-19 tests and wearing of surgical masks. Alexa did amazingly well and we were discharged 4 days later. Pathology report weeks later shared the good news that the tumor was benign and further treatment was not needed.
Alexa healed over the next few months and in June we began discussions on the pair of surgeries needed to address the other brain issue – a rare issue that impacts blood flow to brain. If left untreated the condition was progressive and in time Alexa was at risk of a stroke.
On July 2 Alexa had surgery on the right side of her brain. (Surgery# 2 of 2020). Surgeons at Stanford rerouted moved arteries in her brain to improve the blood flow. On August 13 they did the same surgery on her left side. (Surgery#3 of 2020)
Both surgeries were highly complex & lengthy surgeries – but Alexa bounced back quickly. As an example after her last brain surgery, she was back at online learning 4 days later!
Alexa again spent a few months healing. In late November we had a follow-up MRI which showed significant improvement in her brain’s blood.
We were given the green light for our 4th & final surgery of 2020 … a vascular orthopedic surgery at Shriners Children’s in Sacramento. This time an all female all star surgical team took a part of the fibula in her leg and transplanted it to replace the diseased bone in her arm.
We had that surgery about 10 days ago. Alexa now has a cast on her left leg and on her right arm – making it very difficult to do even the simplest of things. For the next 6 weeks we’re learning to thrive in a wheelchair.
So yes, in addition to fears of a global pandemic, learning to work and learn from home (full time) and missing the social aspects of normal living… we’ve had a lot of other worries and struggles to deal with. Despite being only 8, my daughter has managed to tackle each day with grit, determination and a smile. I feel like I continue to learn and be inspired by her journey and character.
The biggest bummer to her currently is not having her friends, teachers and extended family sign her cast. To help bring some of these well wishes to her in a virtual way, I set up a couple of Kindeo projects for people to submit their messages online. One I extended to peers at work, and the second was for friends & family.
The response from work has been inspiring to me. People from across the globe carved out time to submit well wishes to my daughter (who they’ve never met – but only heard about from my post). There were lots of pictures of cats, some videos & photos from their kids and lots of words of encouragement.
The video I compiled is rather lengthy (as there were 70+ entries) but it speaks to the big hearts and human kindness we can experience from strangers & acquaintances.
This holiday season let us all take time to take time to recharge and spend quality time with family (even if it’s through virtual means). If this year has thought me anything it’s that life can change in an instant and often sends you reminders to show gratitude and grace.
Happy holidays!
For those who have time on their hands & want to check out video, here is the link
A Season (or Two) of Change
It’s been 6+ months since I’ve written a post – and wow, has life really changed… A LOT.
I sensed last fall that I was ready for some major changes, but one never knows if events will play out exactly as you would like them to. I’ve always been one to take on a lot of change all at once, and the end of 2014/ beginning of 2015 was no different.
So how much life upheaval was I anticipating? Well let’s see… a job change (from corporate to agency), a lifestyle shift (from city to suburban living) and a cross-country move (with a two year old!)… that’s a good amount to take on. Yes, that’s right I had my toddler to think about and help through the many transitions,
Through it all, my daughter amazed me at every turn. She is a remarkable child – smart, funny, adaptable, joyful and a child who lives in the moment. During our “moving phase”, we lived in an almost vacant condo with limited toys, stayed in a Lincoln Park hotel for a couple of nights, took on a cross country flight and then another few days living in a semi-empty townhome in California. Even during those early days in CA, my daughter made a smooth transition to her new daycare and seemed to take it all in stride. It was a couple of days later when our furniture arrived, that I witnessed the impact it had all had on her. We walked into our new home, and she noticed all that had arrived, Her reaction,,, “Oh mommy, a TV, my books… and as she walked into her room she exclaimed (almost crying with joy) “my crib!” How difficult it must have been for her to “go with the flow” – not understanding the bigger plan and that one day life would return to “a new normal” with toys, furniture and all of the modern comforts of home.
Since then we’ve been settled into California living and are really enjoying it. Today we celebrated her 3rd birthday… and reflecting on the day (and the last year) I am filled with joy and gratitude. While many days have their normal struggles, I am blessed… and thankful.
Until next time (hopefully not 6 months from now!)
The case of the misplaced iPhone
We’ve all experienced it …. a misplaced mobile phone somewhere in your home that you can’t seem to locate. Add in a toddler who is battling bedtime and the fact that the phone charger is off and on vibrate — and it’s a fun situation. That was my household last night.
To help locate it, I enlisted the virtual help of my parents (via Facetime on another apple device) and they began calling my iPhone. My daughter and I went from room to room trying to figure out if we heard vibrating. I was convinced it was in my bedroom (last place I remember using it) so we finally focused our efforts there.
Here was some of the dialogue as the search began heating up:
My Mom: “Okay, the phone is ringing”
Little A: “Phone ringing mommy”
Me: “I think I hear vibrating. Can you?” (to my daughter)
Little A: “Yeah”
Me: “I still can’t figure out where it’s coming from. Can you?”
Little A: “I don’t know…”
Now I look in closet, on top of and behind furniture (Little A doing it along side of me too) all the while hearing this low buzzing that I can’t exactly place. … Finally I get down on the floor to look… and that’s when I spot it.
Me: “I found it!”
Little A: “Yay, mommy found it!” (Squealing, clapping and smiling)
Laughter was coming from my parents as they witnessed this whole exchange between the two of us. My little detective and I had tackled the case, and I must admit it was a lot more fun with my toddler’s commentary and support. I now comment how she is this little person – with lots of personality, cheer and funny observations. I truly wish I could freeze time and linger in this stage much longer … but I know great milestones and chapters still lay ahead of us.
Until our next funny moment…
My toddler is learning context (and how entertaining it is!)
So it seems I needed to take the summer off. An unintended break – but honestly I can’t believe I haven’t written in many months.
It’s been a great summer. Not one where I have a list of destinations to share, but one in which I was able to share some real quality time with my growing toddler. Life was the everyday ho-hum… my daughter going to daycare, and mommy going to work. But it was this summer that my daughter’s vocabulary exploded and her ability to begin to understand context has started.
Now at the end of August she now understands:
Daycare:
1) Mom goes to work when she goes to school.
2) She feels sad sometimes when mommy is away from her – and misses mommy. (This mom’s heart breaks when she shares this).
3) The order in which mommy’s and daddy’s arrive for pickup – and grows anxious when mommy is running late
When Out and About:
4) She’s “two” and informs everyone who will listen of this fact.
Has a knack of spotting these three from a distance and grows excited:
5) Ice cream or frozen yogurt store … and always attempts to convince mommy to stop.
6) Playground or park … “playground, mommy?”
7) CTA bus (funny but true)… And if we are boarding we also say hello to bus driver (most days we get a hello & smile back!)
At Home:
8) Hugs and kisses are pretty great (Mommy really likes these and … giving them can sometimes delay nap or bedtime)
9) Mommy gets boo-boos too — and kissing them (fake kiss) can make mommy feel better too.
10) When a babysitter arrives at the door, mommy is going out (Oh no, start the tears!)
The list goes on and on … but those are the major ones that usually bring a smile to my face – or break my heart a little. Really loving this stage (and very scared of the 3’s which I’ve heard referred to as the “Threenagers”). Will try to write a more comprehensive reflection on the summer soon … Until then!
Counting my blessings (another post on gratitude)
Over a month since I last wrote… I’ve been struggling with what to write about as life has seemed harder than usual. Work might be a little more challenging, life at home with a 2-year old a little more taxing… but overall life is pretty good.
What do I have to be thankful for:
- A beautiful daughter
- Health (body and mind)
- A healthy relationship that shows promise
- A family and friends that love and support me
- A career in advertising that entertains, challenges me (in a good way) and allows me to support my family
Why am I so introspective today? In a span of two hours I went from an impromptu playdate with my two-year old filled with giggles and endless running, to a visit to the hospital to visit a dear friend of mine battling a debilitating disease. Seeing my friend take on this disease with such grace and courage was so inspiring to me, but also reminded me that life can change in an instant… making my daily struggles seem pretty trivial. Even hours later she remains on my mind and in prayers… and I am filled with gratitude for my life exactly as it is today… Messy, imperfect and just right.
So I’ll leave you with this quote on the link between gratitude and happiness…
Until next time…
Day 1 of #100HappyDays: My Little Nurturer
Life continues to be busy. Between work, parenting and the new challenge of getting my condo ready to sell, yes, it’s hard to find time to just “be.” This also manifests itself into the fact that I find less and less time to write, but tonight somehow I resolved to make the time.
So in the month+ since I last wrote my daughter turned two. We celebrated early in Florida with my parents, and on her actual birthday by having cupcakes with her classmates, and pizza dinner with mommy. It was a fun milestone and I must admit I really like the “early 2’s.” Alexa continues to show her personality and enthusiasm for life. What’s new is that she is starting to show her caring and nurturing side both towards me and in her playtime.
Last weekend it was naptime and Alexa was fighting the urge to go to sleep. We were sitting together in my living room and I tried the “Mommy’s going to nap too” approach. I put my head next to her and closed my eyes just for a moment. Alexa immediately shifted into nurture mode… “Ah, mommy. Night Night,” she said. She took one of her blankets placed it gently on my shoulder. She then gently tapped me as she continued to say “Night Night.” It was as if she was playing back the soothing that I or her teachers do when trying to calm her to sleep. As all of this was transpiring I couldn’t help but smile and be filled with love for this amazing toddler of mine. To see her love and gentle nature in action even in such a simple gesture made me so proud of the little girl she is becoming.
It’s me treasuring those little moments that is likely preventing me from writing… so bear with me. I am going to try to make a bigger effort going forward and am hoping that the #100HappyDays challenge (that I’ve been seeing in my friends’ FB take on) be the push for me to make more time. So April 7th is day 1 for me… For those who are friends on FB or follow me on Twitter, we’ll see how I do.
Day 1… Seeing Alexa in sunglasses makes me happy 🙂
The “Always On” Mom Trait
It’s hard to believe it’s been a month since I last wrote, but the weeks fly by. It’s been an unbelievably cold month here in Chicago, and I tell myself that this may be “the winter” that breaks me and gives me that final push to leave the midwest.
Despite all of the discomfort and extra layers, it’s been a fun month with my little toddler. Her vocabulary is exploding, her motor skills improving, we’ve moved beyond walking to running, and her term for me has evolved from momma to mommy! Some of this rapid development is due to her move to the “2’s room” at daycare… where she is learning to eat family style, drink from a cup, wash her hands and pick up after herself… and yes, is slowly being introduced to the potty. It’s becoming apparent that she is no longer a baby, but is a full fledged toddler.
It’s also been a time of constant learning and evolving for me. With each passing month I become more confident in my ability to parent. I started off feeling fairly clueless (newborn stage is really tough) and I must admit I have been surprised by the impact motherhood has had on me. Before Alexa arrived, I thought, “being a mom will not define all that I am.” And now two years into the journey I realize that it has transformed me. Even though I work outside of the home, I am a mom 24/7. Even those times when my daughter is not physically with me (i.e. work, gym, during social plans or night out), she is always somewhere in my thoughts. It’s why my phone is always charged and with me. It’s why I go into her room every night to check on her before I go to sleep, and why I wake up instantly when she cries out. She’s a core part of me, and I will be her mom from this point forward… worrying, hoping, laughing, crying , protecting, providing and cheering her on. What an amazing privilege.
For those of you who know me in real life, I am certain you will spot a sticker or cheerio on my clothing from time to time, a stuffed animal in my work bag, my daughter’s forgotten school bag with me at the office… all visible signs of a toddler’s influence. I hope it brings a smile to your face, and the realization that I am trying to be the master juggler while enjoying the journey. Some days it looks easy, and others it’s more of a struggle. Hopefully, you’ll bump into me on one of the great days… and if not, feel free to give me a hug!
Until next time…
Earning My Mommy Stripes
Regardless of whether you are a parent, there are weeks that are easy, and others that test your core. Last week was definitely the latter. Now let me clarify that nothing catastrophic happened last week… it was simply challenging.
For those following the weather, you can recall that Chicago started out last week with record lows. Monday had highs of -10 (without the wind chill) and on Tuesday I believe we hit the single digits. These low temps made both days work at home days for me, since taking a toddler out in these conditions seemed dangerous.
To complicate matters my daughter also started to show signs of having a cold early in the week, but was cooperative enough to allow her mommy to put in a fairly complete work days. (And yes, I did take at least one conference call with a sleeping toddler in my arms).
By Wednesday the temperatures were still very cold, but were safe enough to leave the condo. Despite my daughter seeming a little under the weather, we bundled up and attempted to get a “day in the office.” After what was a very long commute, I was in the office for maybe 30 minutes when I got the call that my daughter was running a 100.6 temperature. Not high enough that I had to drop everything, but still concerning, After completing a few “must do” items, I packed up everything and headed in a taxi to pick up my little one. (And yes, I spent a record one hour in the office!)
I worked the remainder of the Wednesday and all day Thursday from home. (Luckily on Thursday, I arranged for in home back-up care to allow me to focus). If having a sick toddler was not enough, work was also serving up challenges each day. There were times that I felt like my juggling skills were just not enough, but somehow I managed through.
I woke up on Friday feeling like maybe we made it through the worst of it. But as my daughter woke up it was clear that I was one “mistaken mommy,” the curve ball of the week was still to come. My daughter was clearly not well. She had a low grade fever that would not break, very little interest in food or liquids and was now extremely lethargic. With these symptoms I was one of the first parents in queue when her pediatrician’s office opened at 9am.
After quickly making ourselves presentable (my daughter in her PJs and me not much better), we walked .75 mile through slushy sidewalks and were in the doctor’s office by 9:45am. Within 30 minutes I learned my daughter had the start of pneumonia. (Wow, that’s a scary word.) As her doctor explained that my intuition was spot on; that I came in at exactly the right time; that my daughter would seem like a completely new child within 48 hours: I started to slowly exhale.
Flash forward 72 hours and my daughter is recovering well. The fever is completely gone and she returned to daycare today. She still has a lingering cough – but her playful personality and appetite is back. It is so great to see the smiles and high energy, and hear the giggles.
As I reflected on last week and shared how I was feeling with my mom, she simply remarked, “You are earning your mommy stripes.” It’s these weeks that remind you what’s important and teaches you what you are made of. So here are the stripes that I think I’ve earned so far:
- Tapping into and trusting my gut/intuition
- Running on minimal sleep (and having expert hearing – through walls and sleepy state)
- Multi tasking (I believe my current maximum is doing 3-4 things at once – although not well)
- Creative cooking and menu prep (Getting a sick toddler to eat is not easy)
- Being silly and doing almost anything to make my toddler laugh (singing, tickling, dancing, etc)
- Going with the flow (On my little one’s sickest days there was plenty of TV, snuggles, apple sauce/snacks and flexible napping)
- Breaking down to “let it go” (Yes, there was at least one night when I broke down into tears when the busy period of the day finally ended. I was so tired and knew that it would be “more of the same tomorrow” but also kept reminding myself that “this too shall pass.”)
And it did pass… now I know this week will present its own challenges, but I know that it will be better than last week. And for those times when life’s circumstances seem almost too much to bear, I often remind myself of one of my favorite prayers (shared before) and know that we will weather through:
lifebeginsat39 